How I Feel

I will go ahead with that heartfelt post idea… You know, the one I mentioned last post about how I’ve been feeling. Part of me thinks I’m just depressed and this is self-pity. But it feels real. I feel alone, in a way. It seems like I don’t have a best friend anymore. At least, I don’t think anybody would call me their best friend. I feel that I have people I can go to if I really needed to talk, don’t get me wrong (although that usually isn’t a need of mine).

But who do I talk to about things like this? I talk to my computer? I know what I need to be doing, don’t get me wrong. I have a hard time talking when I think what I say will simply be dismissed or I anticipate a response that says, to me, “I’d rather not care about what you have to say, Zach.” I try to talk and that is the response I get sometimes (if you’re reading this, I probably am not referring to you).

I’m not hard to crack. I’m really rather easy to crack. There are a couple people I have practically spilled onto without even asking. I don’t mean to be awkward, I just feel a need to be open with somebody out there. Somebody that I trust, too, but I can trust people I don’t know very well quite a bit sometimes. It’s not that I would say anything to them I don’t want repeated, it’s more like I don’t want to feel rejected or ignored.

I really don’t know where to go from here in this post. I’m not about to ask for a new best friend in a blog post online. I also don’t want to post this for the purpose of making people feel pity on me and strike up a nice conversation with me just for that reason. And I’m guessing that because it has caused a scroll bar to appear in this text box that it is a decent enough length.

- Zach